Many people have undergone this pain in their relationship. The consequences may vary. Sometimes a couple decides to work on their love and connection and stay together. That means both have to work on their personal matters and goals as well as goals as a couple. In other cases, the one who found out about the infidelity decides they can't handle the uncertainty, the loss of trust and pain and prefer to end the relationship. In another situation, they can choose to live together with no intimacy or connection but that of mutual children or an important pet they share or economic reasons. There is still another possibility where the one who was unfaithful does not want to stay with their partner that feels offended.
Whatever the decision, you understand you cannot force anyone to love you or to stay with you. If you decide to stay in that relationship, you finally do it because you want to. Not because you feel forced to stay with your partner but because the love you have is greater than the pain that was given to you. Because you understand that anyone can make mistakes and that the other person is going through a difficult time that led them to that action. It will be important that your partner that offended, acknowledges his error and your pain and tells you how important you are to them, that it will not happen again and how much they love you. It would be appropriate if they asked you to stay when you feel like fleeing.
In any of the above results, both people will need to work on their ability to handle their mixed emotions. On one same day you can feel sadness, regret, hatred, vengeance and then feel love, forgiveness, desire and passion. In other words, the complete opposite. For both sides it is confusing and exhausting, yet part of what an infidelity brings. For whatever reason that it happened, it breaks and alters aspects of communication, trust, purpose, intimacy.
This, of course, is confusing but normal to feel. You feel like you can't count on anyone. If you tell your loved ones, you will feel judged or belittled and they will take sides. This does not help. It actually divides and ends hurting your partner even more.
I can tell you that the moment you accept what happened and you stop engaging in the "what if", "why", "why me", etc and you don't take it as if it was done on purpose to hurt you but out of fear, weakness, loss of purpose and internal pain from your partner then it becomes more bearable at the beginning. They made a wrong decision but if we don't get out of the puddle of suffering, we cannot continue with a happy life.
The correct Relationship Coach will help you so that you grow from this experience, and you make the right decisions when you are ready.
While you are showing and expressing love, forgiveness and COMPASSION with the person that you care for, you are growing and developing as a more independent and compassionate human being. You are growing stronger and getting better in many areas of your life.
You realize one day.... you SURVIVED the INFIDELITY!!
With love
Coach Sol
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